get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
