Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
