What tipped you off? The sombrero?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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