idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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