Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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