Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I looked at my own cervix.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Randomize
