I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
