I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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