Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
