Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
