I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
