i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
