Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
