How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
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