I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
