ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
