Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
