I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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