Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
