god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
it's like heaven, but drunker
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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