If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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