i would punch a child for taco bell
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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