I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Randomize
