We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I am naked and annoyed.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize