You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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