the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
