I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
