He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
