No stitches, just platelets and will power
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
