bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Randomize