We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I just blew my weed a kiss
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
