if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
