ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
