matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
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