How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I skipped work to stalk him.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
