My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize