well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
