She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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