I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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