Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
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