so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
