capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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