The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
