either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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