My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
