He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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