yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
