it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
