Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
So gin and wine won't be happening again
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize
