Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Of course I have a pirate flag
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
pray to the hookup gods
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize