she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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