it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
