New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize