we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
