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• (210): View more from Texas

  stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown

  (281): View more from Texas

  Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps

  Fav 22 1186 2005

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• (417): View more from Missouri

  I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line

  Fav 6 3790 1743

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• (914): View more from New York

  my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip

  Fav 11 1942 5060

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• (740): View more from Ohio

  Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.

  Fav 6 962 1946

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• (404): View more from Georgia

  I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro

  Fav 5 1384 849

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• (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song

  Fav 4 1971 757

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• (850): View more from Florida

  If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.

  Fav 7 1358 859

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• (615): View more from Tennessee

  I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?

  Fav 4 1487 713

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• (706): View more from Georgia

  We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.

  Fav 2 1300 670

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• (602): View more from Arizona

  Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.

  (316): View more from Kansas

  That's the best creepy text ever.

  Fav 7 1841 957

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• (651): View more from Minnesota

  Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.

  Fav 6 1680 643

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• (360): View more from Washington

  Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?

  (208): View more from Idaho

  You need southern Jesus

  Fav 3 1239 654

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• (801): View more from Utah

  Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing

  Fav 2 491 338

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• (954): View more from Florida

  What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?

  Fav 2 132 209

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• (916): View more from California

  You're incredible, and I'm drunk

  Fav 0 32 3

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