If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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