did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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