Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
