Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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