Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
