When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
