So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Your penis caused this!
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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