i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I need water and some morals
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
