Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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