i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Randomize
