Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Someone signed my nipple.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
