Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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